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What if absolutely nothing changes at all other than my body? I hate to exercise, but have managed to use my treadmill and hit the gym more than a few times. You couldn't find anyone more enthusiastic about food and eating than yours truly. So bad it's historic. But we are going to do the work and try to be an inspiration to others who have started and failed over and over. Living with anxiety, hoping for joy. You know how in cartoons a smell wafts and tickles the character under the nose?

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I have driven a stupid amount of miles to satisfy a craving and even canceled on friends to sit in my house and eat.

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At age 9, I had my tonsils and adenoids removed. I'm more afraid of delving into what is killing me and trust me I am so aware that it is killing me than I am of dying. Getting naked on the first date? I went on to gain about 30 pounds in the months following my surgery and that hasn't slowed. The food photos there compete only with the number of strategically shot selfies all positioned in such a way to conceal my fat of course. The number of diets I've started and stopped is not even worth mentioning here because in the end I always go fleeing back to my first love: My mind attacks me with thoughts that hurt to even type:.

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